No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
