We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
