pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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