We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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