wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
