my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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