I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
