Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
