I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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