So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
