It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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