This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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