Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
