You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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