It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ok first of all what the fuck
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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