You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He did a backflip because drugs
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