Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
