You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
