We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
