I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
