im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
