mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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