"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
