i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
