with your own penis?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
