Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
