can u get pink eye on your cock?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
