I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
