The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
