Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
