I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
