PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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