I cannot find my penis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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