hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
someone owes me an orgasm
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
