I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
