At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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