Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
