highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You took a bar mat shot.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
