I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
