she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
