YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
