I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
