I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
