i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
