when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
