Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
