i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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