The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
