he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
