So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
