Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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