living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
