Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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