Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
