Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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