so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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