Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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