Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
