i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
