So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
