Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
