Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I will pee on everything he values.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
