At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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