I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
