What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
