What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
