Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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