My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
