so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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