I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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