i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He? As in you personified your dick?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
