last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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