I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
