You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I need water and some morals
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
