Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
