went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
