I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
