Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
