now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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