Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
