im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
